Ok, that isn’t exactly what my 5 year old daughter said to me, but it is very close. Before I give the exact quote though, I should share a little about my daughter. I won’t post any pictures, but if you could have seen her walking to her grandfather’s pickup truck with her long blond hair wearing her pink flowered dress with matching pink cowgirl hat and princess sandals you would have said: there is one beautiful Texas girl! I know because I hear this every time I take her somewhere. But you probably wouldn’t guess that once she got into her grandfather’s truck her first questions were does this truck have four wheel drive? (yes) and can we drive through mud?
So I’m in our living room reading while she is playing on the floor in one of her pretty dresses when I hear:
Hi, I’m a hooker.
It was a good book, but something in the back of my mind made me think maybe I should check into that. I looked up to see that the dialog came from the action figure driver of her toy Land Rover. He was in the process of connecting a winch hook onto one of the other trucks which I gather had become stuck in the mud. At this point I almost decided to just go back to my book, but instead I decided to explain that hooker wasn’t a good word. Why? “Well, hooker is a word for a bad woman”. But I’m just playing, and these are all men. Strange feeling to lose an argument to a 5 year old, but I’m getting used to it. So I decided to make sure she knew that women could drive trucks too. I know, but the way I’m playing they are all men. The last line was delivered with the expression reserved for when a grown up isn’t listening.
I let the issue drop and later shared the incident with my wife. After we stopped laughing she asked the question I knew she would: Does she understand that women can drive trucks? Yup. Gave me a look when I explained it even. Still, my wife was troubled by this so she made it a point to have a talk with our daughter later. I’m confident she received the same look I did.
But we both deserved the look. We weren’t listening. She knows she can be who she wants to be, and she chooses to play trucks with men driving them. She also loves to play with her massive collection of matchbox cars, build Lincoln logs and Legos, and play big game hunting adventure with her Barbies. Big game hunting is one of her favorites, because it incorporates Barbies, trucks, guns, animals, and (after the hunt) cooking. What could be more fun? Well, watching daddy unplug a toilet is more fun but that is another story.
What tickles me when I think of the whole exchange is the fact that:
- Neither my wife nor I are feminists; accuse my wife of being a feminist and you will have a fight on your hands. Yet we felt compelled to lecture our daughter on something she clearly already understands.
- She assessed the situation with the utmost clarity. She was free to play in whatever way she wanted, but she had observed from real life that almost no women actually want to drive trucks. Real life daddies and grandpas drive trucks, mommies drive cars or minivans. She didn’t feel the need to force a female character into the story just for appearance sake.
I truly hope she takes her current combination of openness and realism with her as she grows up. The fact is, there is practically nothing she won’t have the opportunity to do. At the same time, she will need to be realistic about the trade-offs involved and what her desires really are.
But as she grows up, feminists will make her feel guilty for not driving the truck. They will want her to be a hooker. This infuriates me.
As dispiriting as the world may always be, it’s a miracle that we can acquire hope through the eyes of a child.
There’s an intense beauty in that.
Make sure she has the ability to self-reflect. You can help her out with that.
You know, there was a time when feminism was about little girls growing up to be what ever they wanted to be. I’m not sure the intention 30 years ago was to create the moreass we have now.
Cute story. Funny how kids deal with words. There was a brief period when my older son couldn’t quite say fox, but thought that all foxy-colored dogs were foxes. Embarassment ensued.
Technical question about blogs–Yesterday afternoon I posted several times on Roissy. Nothing should up till morning. Is that a moderation problem or something techincal? It’s frustrating.
Check out the “Suspicious Women” thread. You’ll enjoy the Angel story.
J,
I’m pretty sure that is just Roissy being slow on the draw to approve comments. There doesn’t seem to be any pattern though because often newer comments get approved long before. I wish he would set it up so that once a poster was approved their posts were automatically approved unless they violated the rules.
I saw your post and replied (in moderation…). But you might search the same thread for “Player Vet” to see a past post of mine that finally made it out of mod. Just keep in mind I’m only teasing…
Thanks for your comments on both of my blog posts!
Oh, and I liked the Angel story as well. There are plenty of men and women making really bad choices out there. That guy should have followed Dalrock’s rule of marriage for men. “You know I love you and all…”.
There are rules at Roissy? Good God!! What would those be?
I saw the player vet comment and laughed. You were pretty funny on the fanged thread too. And you’re welcome about the posting.
The Angel story is completely true. I’m pretty serious about the mother-child bond, and generally hate to see moms and kids separated, but I’d really like to see her lose custody of the new baby. Her 18 year old seems to have done fine without her. Yet, men love her.
There are rules at Roissy? Good God!! What would those be?
I think Roissy’s comment on rules was something like “Pick up a bananna or some jello and throw it at someone”.
But I was talking about my own rule for men when considering marriage 2.0. “You know I love you and all, but why the **** would I marry you?” I’m very pro marriage, but with the state of the culture and divorce laws a woman has to bring something very special to the table to justify the risk in my opinion. I also believe as I said before that picking a spouse is a sacred duty to your future kids. The guy in your story failed on all counts.
But I also believe marriage is for life, barring some very specific forms of unacceptable actions. Poking around the blogosphere, I find I’m pretty alone there. Even sites which I would expect to see it that way. I still like some of those sites, but am turned off by the level of acceptance of divorce there.
Edit: And glad you liked Gorbachev’s and my running joke on the fanged condom thread. I figured he and I were the only ones who found it funny, and that was enough for me. A 3rd person is icing on the cake!
I think Roissy’s comment on rules was something like “Pick up a bananna or some jello and throw it at someone”.
So basically, I need to be less polite. 😉
” with the state of the culture and divorce laws a woman has to bring something very special to the table to justify the risk in my opinion. ”
Everyone does. I think the guy needs to be pretty trustworthy himself.
“I also believe as I said before that picking a spouse is a sacred duty to your future kids. The guy in your story failed on all counts. ”
Yep. I feel for the kid; it’s a boy BTW. A whorish mom can really have a bad effect on a boy.
“But I also believe marriage is for life, barring some very specific forms of unacceptable actions. … am turned off by the level of acceptance of divorce there.”
I think lifelong marriage is the ideal, but divorce with kids still in the house is the real problem for me. What two poeople want to do to each other is between them for the most part. What hurts kids, hurt everyone.
“glad you liked Gorbachev’s and my running joke on the fanged condom thread. I figured he and I were the only ones who found it funny, ”
It had me in stitches.
I believe marriage is for life, and that girls should not aspire to be hookers. 😉
You are a wise woman grerp.
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“Strange feeling to loose an argument to a 5 year old, but I’m getting used to it.”
lose. Sorry but that really bugs me.
[D: Good catch. I’ve gotten better on that one over time. Fixed.]
Marriage for life? Amen! Civil marriage for life? Not with the help of the State.. and i realize i am simply agreeing with what you’ve said more than once.
You, Dalrock, wrote,
“I also believe marriage is for life, …. Poking around the blogosphere, I find I’m pretty alone there.”
Have a look at:
http://www.everyman.ca/2011/08/24/marriage-and-family-reform/
I’ve sketched a near future, en route to frugal prudent sanity, which involves a minority of adults in marriages for life, rearing nearly all the children, with the guidance and support of households of 8-20+ kin.
I don’t know what fraction of the young adult population is fit for lifetime marriage; but it’s good sociology and social psychology that they should be the parents of the next generation. (Furthermore, large families are socially efficient, a quality whose importance increases as cheap resources approach exhaustion.)
I’d be happy to correspond less publicly about some of this, and the comment form contains my more durable e-address.