I did a search on the term unwed mother when writing my post on Katie Price. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t using the term incorrectly. Click here to see the definition I found. I did a double take to make sure I had typed in the correct term, but if you look closely you will see that I did.
Obviously this is a term which makes unwed mothers uncomfortable. They would prefer a term which is more vague and less truthful. With this in mind, I suggest we make it a point to use it when referencing unmarried women with children (excluding widows and rare exceptions to excuse #6).
Along the same lines, commenter tweel used a term I wasn’t familiar with in the discussion on Marriage Lite. The term is grass widow, and I chuckled when I looked it up:
The term grass widow cries out for explanation of what grass means and how grass widow came to have its varied though related senses. Grass probably refers to a bed of grass or hay as opposed to a real bed. This association would help explain the earliest recorded sense of the word (1528), “an unmarried woman who has lived with one or more men,” as well as the related senses “an abandoned mistress” and “the mother of an illegitimate child.”
We’ve worked extremely hard to forget what our ancestors knew. The bright side is this will only work with our willing cooperation.
This is brilliant. Orwell’s 1984 is here, and has been with us for quite some time.
It’s truly sad that we are scrubbing our language to make others feel good (or at least not feel bad) about their flaws, mistakes and failures.
Grass widow: divorced woman. Separated woman. A woman who has been with a lot of men.
“Slut” is now “promiscuous woman” or “sex-positive feminist”.
“Whore” is now “prostitute”.
We’ve discarded “prostitute” and “hooker” and “streetwalker” in favor of “sex worker”.
A “john” is now a “client”.
“Bastard” became “illegitimate child” and then “child born out of wedlock”. But then even “out of wedlock” seems to have become pejorative so it is now “OOW child”.
“Knocked up” is now “unplanned pregnancy”.
“Killing your baby” became “abortion” which then became “elective termination of pregnancy”.
“Frigid” became “female sexual impairment” or “orgasmically challenged”.
“Impotent” is now “erectile dysfunction”.
“Baby” became “fetus” and then “nonviable tissue mass”.
“Man and wife” is now “husband and wife” or “spouses”.
“Marriage” is now “civil union” or “domestic partnership”.
“Girl” is “pre-woman” (I’m totally serious).
“Shacking up” is “living together” or “cohabiting”.
If one doesnt want to be identified by as, say, a slut, then it would behoove that person to not act like one. This seems to be beyond their range of critical thinking.
Dalrock,
As one of the few clear-eyed christians out there, I wonder where you see the gospel, forgiveness, redemption, etc, fitting into this? Absolutely agree with how we have forgotten what our ancestors knew, and I’m thankful for this site helping me relearn some of it, but when, how, or does the label ever stop being appropriate? How can you tell the difference between “convenient” and genuine repentance in a woman? Is there a difference or is it just a function of how alpha her current man is? Any ideas how to know the difference? My own experience is that many christian women seem suspiciously “repentant” once they hit their late twenties/early thirties. I’m a single christian man and the stats say 80% of marriage age evangelical christians are not virgins, so I have to accept that at least some of the women I date are going to have a history. To just straight up condemn them categorically feels pretty self-defeating when you’re looking for a wife, as well as not quite consonant with the gospel. On the other hand, I’m not interested in being a sucker. And what about those who come to the faith later? It’s one thing to quote John 8, but Jesus wasn’t going to marry her either.
spoon:
I know your questions weren’t directed at me. But I might suggest you review Dalrock’s posts on Interviewing a Prospective Wife. Search for them in the search function box on this page.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/interviewing-a-perspective-wife-part-i-should-you-open-a-position/
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/interviewing-a-prospective-wife-part-ii/
I would humbly submit that for women claiming to be “reformed sluts”, you might review my comment on Dalrock’s post entitled “No Rings For Sluts”.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/11/28/no-rings-for-sluts/#comment-14978
good luck, spoon.
spoon:
I know your questions weren’t directed at me. But I might suggest you review Dalrock’s posts on Interviewing a Prospective Wife. Search for them in the search function box on this page.
(posted without links here, to avoid moderation)
I would humbly submit that for women claiming to be “reformed sluts”, you might review my comment on Dalrock’s post entitled “No Rings For Sluts”.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/11/28/no-rings-for-sluts/#comment-14978
Deti,
Thanks, I had read those posts, but not the comments. That was very helpful. Appreciated.
I should say, not your comment…Just scanned for Dalrock…too much noise out there sometimes…
Spoon:
“As one of the few clear-eyed christians out there, I wonder where you see the gospel, forgiveness, redemption, etc, fitting into this?”
I know this wasn’t directed to me, but I’d like a crack at responding to this. I am not suggesting Dalrock endorses this; it’s just what I think.
I’m a protestant from an evangelical tradition so bear with me. I assume you know and understand the concepts of sin, original sin, the Fall, repentance and forgiveness. What we talk about so often here does not address theological considerations, which are usually left aside so as to get to the human behavior side of things. What is discussed is what evangelical protestants call “Flesh” — the body and its base urges, the mind, the will and the emotions. Those things work very, very differently as between men and women. Men and women each have different objectives — the man, to spread his seed far and wide; the woman, to get the best genes from the best man she can find. Both ultimately serve the purposes of reproduction and propagation of the species. I hold that a Designer intentionally designed us this way.
People can change. A slut can reform. A supplicating beta can become an alpha. But it is not easily done and takes a lot of time and effort. All must bear the temporal consequences of their past conduct, despite forgiveness and redemption (whatever you take that to mean). The reformed slut must still bear the physical and mental scars of her conduct. If, for example, she has an incurable STD, she must accept and bear its consequences. The beta can become alpha but he has to work at it and will have to combat for a time his impulses to return to supplicating beta status.
“How can you tell the difference between “convenient” and genuine repentance in a woman? Is there a difference or is it just a function of how alpha her current man is? Any ideas how to know the difference? My own experience is that many christian women seem suspiciously “repentant” once they hit their late twenties/early thirties.”
The difference between “convenient” and genuine repentance (if we’re talking about reformed sluts) is a function of time, effort, and faith. See my comment on the Big D’s “No Rings for Sluts” post.
Many Christian women are “repentant” around the late 20s and early 30s for many reasons. Usually we’re talking about any one or more of the following:
1. Women who came to faith around that time or left as girls and have returned.
2. A life-changing event has happened to her. She’s lost a job. Or she’s fresh out of a failed first marriage. She’s had an abortion. She was living with a man long term and moved out after either (a) discovering his cheating or (b) cheating on him.
3. She has never been married, her bio-clock is roaring in her ears like a freight train, she has the baby rabies big time, and needs to find a Good, Nice, Beta-with-steady-paycheck husband Right. Now. So. She. Can. Make. A. Baby.
4. She has hit The Wall. The Wall is that time in a woman’s life when her overall attractiveness begins declining. This can happen as early as the early 20s for a few women, as late as the late 40s for others. For most women it happens between ages 28 and 33. Every woman hits The Wall. A woman has hit The Wall when any of the following happens:
a. The very highly attractive men she used to date and have sex with no longer want to date or have sex with her. She doesn’t get asked out nearly as much as she used to.
b. She can no longer “pull” the attractive men for one night stands or short term relationships.
c. She becomes acutely aware that her physical attractiveness or conditioning is deteriorating. She feels aches and pains where she didn’t before. She starts developing knee or back pain. The semi-professional dancer can’t pirouette like she used to. Or, more commonly, she (and her friends) are noticing wrinkles, crow’s feet, gray hairs, sagging breasts, horizontal lines on the neck, a pooch in the lower abdomen. Her weight is creeping up, and she’s having to work harder and harder to keep her weight down.
Women start getting VERY anxious if they are approaching The Wall and they have not locked down a husband. Her body is almost always in full fledged panic mode if she is past The Wall and still has no husband. This kind of woman figures that church is very best place to meet a Nice Guy Who Will Treat Me Right (TM). But what often happens is she gets a husband to whom she feels only lukewarm attraction at best. This is disaster in the making. A few years later she starts feeling vague sensations of unhaaaaappiness (H/T Dalrock again). What happens after that takes many turns.
1. She is miserable but stays in her marriage, making the husband and children miserable too. She can’t explain why she is miserable, she just knows she feels that way.
2. She falls for a higher status man and cheats.
3. She divorces her husband and remarries to the higher status man, and repeats the process.
4. She divorces her husband, high status man dumps her, and she lives out the remainder of her days as a spinster.
Spoon:
“How can you tell the difference between “convenient” and genuine repentance in a woman? Is there a difference or is it just a function of how alpha her current man is? Any ideas how to know the difference?”
I got through that longwindedness of mine and didn’t even answer your question.
Here are my ideas, based on my experience and what I have read. Your mileage will vary considerably.
1. She shows a major slut tell. Here is a list of slut tells:
— she talks about sex after knowing you for a short time.
— she gets defensive when you ask her about her partner count. In retort, she demands to know your count and shrieks “You can’t judge me!”
–she dresses in public with tight or revealing clothing, esp, showing a lot of cleavage.
— she tells you about all the places she’s traveled. (“Well-traveled” for a woman really means “I went to lots of different places to sleep with men I didn’t know very well.)
–she has that “hard” look about her — premature wrinkles or gray hair, wrinkles on neck or decolletage.
— she exhibits a coarse, jaded, cynical outlook on life when you get her alone.
— she uses profanity and vulgarity prolifically when you get her alone (NEVER in public).
(A woman who has repented or left the slut life won’t talk about these things or show these things. She is modest and quiet about her past life, and only talks about it to men who she thinks might be serious about her. She doesn’t talk much about traveling. She never dresses provocatively and shuns public attention. She works on her physical appearance.
2. She speaks in a lot of Christianese but her lifestyle hasn’t really changed. IOW, she talks the talk but hasn’t really learned how to walk the walk. She just doesn’t seem authentic. Every time you hear her talk at church she says things like:
–“God laid ______ on my heart”
–something or someone is “anointed” or “has an anointing”
–“I prayed, and God spoke to me and told me to” do or say something
But, she NEVER says these things outside of church.
(A woman who has repented has truly changed and others talk about it. She walks out her faith. She uses Christianese sparingly and only when appropriate, not to display her “Christian bona fides”.)
3. Her conduct away from church is noticeably less modest, demure, deferential, and reverent than her conduct at church or church-related functions.
(There is no significant difference between a repentant woman’s modest and humble demeanor and bearing at church and her conduct away from church.)
4. She does things at church to call attention to herself, usually in her dress, hair, makeup. Her physical appearance is calculated to draw male attention.
(A repentant woman shuns public attention and does not dress provocatively in public, and especially not at church. She fully understands propriety, etiquette, modesty and decorum.)
5. She rationalizes away her past conduct (especialy past sexually promiscuous conduct) as a “mistake” or “I was young”. She refuses any responsibility for her past conduct.
(A repentant woman is disgusted with her own past conduct and is remorseful for it, but only to those she knows well. She does not discuss it at all with the general public. She owns up to her promiscuous conduct and acknowledges it for the sin it is.)
6. She gets defensive when asked about her sex partner count. She lies about the number and underreports it to you. She deflects it to your past partner count, says “Judge not, lest ye be judged” and “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”, folds her arms haughtily and self-righteously, and shrilly says “You have no right to sit in judgment of me!”
(A truly repentant woman will honestly and humbly tell the truth about it to a serious BF only; accept full responsibility for it, and will truly feel genuine remorse. She is willing to accept the consequences of it. She understands her past conduct will probably result in her rejection by a lot of men.)
Keep in mind: Women like this many times take YEARS to deal with all the baggage that a high partner count puts on them. Most don’t ever deal with all of it, and some of it can’t be fully eradicated. Proceed with caution.
Dalrock: Thread hijack over.
@deti
Not at all Deti. In fact, I’ve been thinking about the same question and you nailed much of what I’ve been trying to describe. If you don’t mind I’ll quote this heavily in an upcoming post on a topic closely related to Spoonman’s original question.
Deti,
Good stuff again. Thanks. Just getting out of a relationship with a girl with a pretty short history, pretty much a good girl by most standards(one fling and one boyfriend in college). She’s totally overwhelmed by guilt though. I think she used our relationship as an escape from having to deal with it. That’s what got me started asking this kind of question, since I do feel somewhat bad that I didn’t clearly articulate how she needed to really deal with it. I just said, “I’m not doing the drama.” That’s what got me started asking this kind of question. Appreciate the wisdom.
Sorry Dalrock…didn’t see your comment. I’ll look forward to the post.
Two words my friend:
Choice
Mother
“Just getting out of a relationship with a girl with a pretty short history, pretty much a good girl by most standards(one fling and one boyfriend in college). She’s totally overwhelmed by guilt though. I think she used our relationship as an escape from having to deal with it. That’s what got me started asking this kind of question, since I do feel somewhat bad that I didn’t clearly articulate how she needed to really deal with it.”
Hmmmmm. The fling was an alpha cad who pumped and dumped her. He was really attractive, he showed interest in her, she wanted to sex him, so she did. I don’t know and can’t judge if she feels “guilty” because she didn’t get a relationship out of the hookup, or because she knows what she did was morally wrong by Christian standards. She needs to get to the bottom of that. She probably feels a bit ashamed for falling for the alpha too, and for secretly loving the fact that she was able to bag an alpha for a night or three.
As an aside, spoon, every single non-virgin woman who’s talked about her sex life to me in the last 25 years has had at least one of these “flings”. Every single one.. It’s a consequence of completely out-of-control hypergamy; the fact that men are far more sexually available to women than vice-versa; and the lack of any civic, societal or effective pragmatic constraints on male and female sexual conduct. I’ve said several times that any woman above a 4 in attractiveness who really just wants to have sex can get that any time she wants. All she has to do is walk down to the nearest bar, announce “who in here is DTF right now?”, and she can simply select the most attractive man who presents himself to her. By contrast, no man short of George Clooney could do the same without being escorted to the door pronto.
Young women between the ages of 17 and 29 have immense power in the sexual marketplace. (That’s why previous generations put restraints on the girls, not the boys.) How they use that power speaks volumes to their character, their parentage, their upbringing and their foresight. The problem is that we live with two entire generations of women who have never been taught what to do with this awesome power and its incredibly destructive nature if it’s not controlled and used properly. Nature puts the equivalent of a nuclear weapon in each girl’s hands..Most of them misuse it, and it leaves their bodies ravaged and their minds warped.
If you don’t mind I’ll quote this heavily in an upcoming post on a topic closely related to Spoonman’s original question.
Use my comments however you wish.
King David had an affair with Bathsheba, had her real husband killed after finding out Bathsheba was pregnant with his demon seed…but was called a man after God’s own heart. God listened to the tortured pleas of David for forgiveness and forgave…BUT….God punished David for his sin. He tore the kingdom in two, David’s family was a total disaster, he died young.
To forgive is truly a divine Christian characteristic, but God also tells us Christians to be wise. A woman with a promiscuous track record is simply not marriage material. You can be kind, and should be, but marriage…you are asking for trouble. I do not believe in “scarlet letter” judgment and social shunning, and I do believe people can change, but marriage is simply too dangerous an institution for entering into with damaged goods…and a high partner count does constitute damaged goods!
There are 152,000,000 women in America, surely one can be found that didn’t spend high school and college as the local punch board.
Deti,
Nailed it on the fling. Boyfriend seemed like a charismatic greater beta type. She left him at the 9 month mark(can’t find the Roissy reference on that, but I seem to remember something about 9 months being a magic number for LTR) because “she felt guilty and was attracted to other guys”. One of whom was me. Smoking hot as well – she wasn’t born with just any old nuke, she was born with a hydrogen bomb, which almost made me think a 2 count is almost a mark in her favor…
Spoonman this isn’t a dating advice website so I’m not going to give you a detailed run-down of all the red-flags (I hate that phrase) you’ve shown us. But I would advise you to invest less emotionally in this woman and instead try to foster the feeling of investment in her, toward you.
Incidentally I didn’t see how old each of you were.
ybm,
Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to make the thread all about me. I agree completely and that’s what I’ve already done. I’m 29, she’s 23 fwiw.
Deti has really answered the big question about how do you tell a truly repentant woman from a faker. I’ve had friends with addiction problems in the past and it’s uncanny some of the similarities…
I’ll look forward to Dalrock’s take as well.
Feminists have been trying to hide those terms for 3 generations now. Alas, there’s a lot of books they didn’t manage to burn along with their bras. An interesting term used for bastards was the ‘bar sinister’. In the Middle Ages, an acknowledged illegitimate son would bear his noble father’s heraldry on his shield along with the bar sinister, a slash from top right to low left.
Yes indeed, our ancestors understood the issues we struggle with!
spoon:
Warning: extreme cynicism alert:
Leaving aside moral considerations, a partner count of 2 is not promiscuous by this SMP’s standards.
Keep in mind, though, how many women tend to “count” their sex partners. The rule of thumb is take what she admits to, multiply it by a factor of 3, and now you have a more accurate estimate.
Many women think that only sober P in V sex counts.
To many women the following don’t “count”:
–anal sex
–any kind of sexual conduct known commonly by colloquial or vulgar terms ending in “-job”
–drunk sex
–vacation or Spring Break sex
–one night stands
Beware.
@deti
And there is the ordinary “that one didn’t count” and let’s not forget the “it never happened.”
The Rationalization Hamster doesn’t always need a reason to spin the wheel.
Yeah, let’s refuse to use “single mother”. Either unwed mother or divorced mother. I don’t entirely like the later though as it sounds too passive, when she’s 2.5x as often the one that wanted the divorce.
Similarly I really avoid saying “liberals” Instead I say leftists. Liberals being used instead of leftists was a euphemism made up by FDR’s people in the thirties. The prior meaning of it and how it’s used outside N.America is something more like libertarian. Embracing free markets, private ownership of industries, denationalization, plus also openness to new and/or foreign ideas and cultures.
I prefer a different term for single mother:
Idiot, or tramp.
Yeah, my rule of thumb was to double, but maybe triple is a better guess…
No Rings for Sluts!!!
In Swedish “grass widower” is much more common than “grass widow”. It means that the spouse and children are away on holiday or to spend time with family, while the other spouse (grass spouse) is working and having some extra “me time”. Cf “golf widow”.
But he original meaning is a woman abandoned after an outdoors affair.
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strohwitwer
Spoonman: “Just getting out of a relationship with a girl with a pretty short history, pretty much a good girl by most standards(one fling and one boyfriend in college).”
Did this girl a recent graduate of Duke? Was her grandfather a Baptist preacher?
@deti,
So multiply a woman’s number by three to get her real number of P in V sex.
Multiply by 10 to get the number of different guys she’s gotten off one way or another.
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“she has that “hard” look about her — premature wrinkles or gray hair, wrinkles on neck or decolletage.”
I forgot to add: That “hard” look, that look that says “ridden hard and put away wet”, is tell tale evidence of the toll hard partying takes on a woman’s body: smoking, heavy drinking, staying out until the early hours of the morning, pulling all nighters, insufficient sleep, possible illicit drug use.
Repentance is very rare in women when it comes to sex, see #5 on deti’s list. The worst ones will outright rationalize it away, or worse, say it was great at the time! Typical women will just gloss over it, as if were no big deal. Even on Christian websites, I’ve lost count of Christian women (and men alike) who casually say they have sex outside of marriage, often using that tidbit in an argument, and don’t seem the least bit perturbed by it. Christians who admit to sin without an inkling of remorse lose all moral credibility.
OTC:
Lots of reasons why women can’t bring themselves to full repentance. Repentance would require a change of heart which produces outward change in behavior, outlook and attitiude. That would then require an express acknowledgment of poor decisions and bad conduct, and a resolution not to repeat them. That is difficult to do, because it requires the repenter to confess honestly. It requires the repenter to own it and take responsibility. She has to admit she was wrong, or misinformed, or reckless, or that she acted stupidly. She then has to make conscious, lasting, persistent effort to avoid the old behaviors and adopt new ones.
Exactly, deti. Perfectly said.
Merely changing behavior is not repenting, it’s just changing strategy. I’d trust an repenter who occasionally stumbles, far more than someone who merely changes strategy and succeeds.
@deti
The idea of the Christian slut owning past behavior and really repenting is well described by you above. It fits easily though into the very general truth that generally women do not own their sins, unless that sin is loosely related to self image. They will go all out to make themselves the “woman of God they are supposed to be”…which has everything to do with esteem and little to do with repentance. Read the materials for these Women of God Beth Moore mega seminars and see what I mean.
It seems to me a friend of mine nailed this, men sin willfully, see the sin, see the pleasure or perceived benefit in the now, choose to do it. Women go about through complex series of blame, deflection, manipulation, and rationalization. these things are done with such incredibly protected wagons circled group sisterhood think tricks, they are impenetrable to logic or absolute morality. Relativism is a crucial part of their trickery, comparative morality, keeping men on our heels over so called man sins, its more complicated even than just saying hey don’t ask my count tell me yours. Its comprehensive, and its a guard that is always up….always.
The theme occurs from Genesis and all through 66 books of the bible. Somehow I think a woman equates receiving empathy, with receiving a moral pass. If someone seems to understand WHY they slept with 25 guys, its the same as them saying its then, not a problem. This isnt repentance, its rationalization, and its was passes for repentance in this day where every women gets to have their own personal Jesus who sits on their shoulder and will actually LISTEN, and adjust his view to accommodate hers, he will bend principles because he will empathize with understand her reasons, the personal Jesus if the BFF who has the ultimate “follow your heart sweety and I will support you with what you choose” type of relationship.
When husbands cant agree with her as much as the personal Jesus, the personal jesus tells her to find another one because he feels her pain and understands why she wants to divorce
@spoon: you can tell a tree by its fruit.
repentance means to turn away from the poor behavior. Step back and see if that has happened.
“If someone seems to understand WHY they slept with 25 guys, its the same as them saying its then, not a problem. This isnt repentance, its rationalization, and its was passes for repentance in this day where every women gets to have their own personal Jesus who sits on their shoulder”
@ empath, Sam:
Exactly right. It isn’t enough to understand WHY you slept with 25 men. It isn’t enough to know you did it because Daddy didn’t pay enough attention to you,. or you were shunned by friends as a kid, or you were an ugly duckling in high school who blossomed and you got attention by shagging men in college. Or you did it because you had a drinking/drug/shopping/food addiction. Whatever.
And what’s more, it did not “just happen”. Having sex with 25 guys does not “happen to” you. It was a direct result and consequence of YOUR choices, courses of action YOU specifically chose; events in which YOU were an ACTIVE participant.
You understand WHY you slept with the men. Now you have to repent. That’s more than being sorry for the conduct; more than feeling remorse or regret. Now you have to change the behavior. You have to stop engaging in the deleterious conduct. You have to stop sleeping with men.
@deti
“I forgot to add: That “hard” look, that look that says “ridden hard and put away wet”, is tell tale evidence of the toll hard partying takes on a woman’s body:”
This is one of those topics that I have to chime in on. Now as a rule of thumb I never worry about a woman’s age, it’s purely about attraction – at least when it comes to the initial meeting. Now age does knock even gorgeous – well maintained women – out of the running if I’m looking for someone long term – since a 35 year old woman is quickly approaching infertility, and at some point I would like to have a family. Just not at the moment… Of course the fact that I’m pushing 50 gets a lot of women upset – but I figure if young women still want to be with me, who am I to complain?. I didn’t make the rules – but I’ll use them to my advantage when I can.
That sums up my view of feminism – it doesn’t alter my behavior in the least, but I’ll use it to my advantage when I can. Heck, in my book the ready availability of young women it has produced makes it worth it, as long as you keep the fact that it serves it’s own agenda in mind. But that doesn’t mean I can’t use it to serve my agenda as well…
Dalrock,
The same day you posted this, this article was posted on teh MSN front page.
http://glo.msn.com/relationships/shed-the-shoulds-1534481.story
Spinsterlicious? No. Hamsterlicious.
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@Deti: good comments, but I sometimes wonder that if men tell others how to spot sluts, the sluts adapt (the perfect liar is one who has gotten away!)…
to become the type that entrap a man by playing to his character while destroying him just enough to justify him being uncomfortable, but not enough so that he leaves or keeps away.
Again, good writeup.
P Ray:
Maybe sluts will adapt to entrap men. The only thing a slut can do to entrap a man is by claiming she wants marriage. A man who wants marriage typically won’t marry a woman after knowing her only a short time. A woman can’t play false forever. If she’s a slut, she’ll show it within a year. That’s plenty of time to find out whether she’s a slut, or a reformed slut.
I suppose a reformed slut can be good marriage material. Most probably are not. They tend to have picked up an STD along the way. They can have fertility problems. By the time they reform and repent, they have either hit The Wall or are rapidly approaching it. That can impair a reformed slut’s judgment when deciding to marry. They are weighted down with “issues” and emotional baggage which has to be worked through and shed.
The unfortunate reality for reformed sluts is that most men will decide they are not worth the hassle, and move on. We’re told not to play Captain Save-A-Ho. Most men with options in today’s SMP are not going to play Captain Save-A-Reformed-Church-Ho either. But I know plenty of men in church who don’t believe they have options. Society and churches tell men to “man up and marry the sluts when they are done riding the carousel and have “reformed” and come to church”. In fact, there’s no pressure to reform — we’re just supposed to marry them when they step off the carousel either by force or by choice (and most sluts are forced off the carousel when they hit The Wall).
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/40-years-of-ultimatums/
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http://www.thefreedictionary.com/deadbeat+dad
http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/deadbeat+parent
The “euphemism treadmill”
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