A few weeks before Father’s Day the Mirror picked up a post by married* mommyblogger Constance Hall: Mum’s heartfelt post reveals 7 ‘facts’ about single mothers which people keep getting wrong. Hall closes with:
7. They don’t want your husbands
They didn’t spend all this time getting rid of theirs and supporting their kids and working their arses off to have to wake up next to your farting, snoring, horny delight. He is all yours.
Hall is basing her argument on something the women reading understand from observing reality; single mothers (as a group) deliberately ejected the father of their children from the home. She then uses this well known fact to try to deny the risk that married women intuitively understand, that such women are on the prowl for a replacement man. The problem of course is not her assertion that single mothers (as a group) ejected the father from the home, but her claim that this indicates the woman is “done with men”. Such women aren’t done with men, they are merely in between steps on the path of serial monogamy. Having it all means sticking the landing.
But while everyone knows single motherhood is caused by mothers ejecting the father from the home, everyone also knows that broken homes are caused by fathers running out on their families. This brings us from the pre Father’s Day defense of single mothers at the Mirror to the Father’s Day Op Ed piece by Rich Cohen at the LA Times**:
With the adoption of no-fault laws, the U.S. divorce rate doubled between 1967 and 1985. In my junior high school years, every father and every mother were fighting in every kitchen. Every road trip was tense. Every kid was being raised by a single parent. No one could go out on Saturday because it was “my father’s weekend,” which meant an awkward stay with the old man and new girlfriend in an apartment downtown — apartments that always smelled like fresh paint.
…[Mick Jagger] personified that greater tide of coupling and uncoupling and begetting and going away. Mick was not my father — he was our father. He stood for all the wayward fathers, all those randy middle-aged men living in a crash pad on Grand Street; for all those who refused to behave like adults or function as parents.
…
Does Mick Jagger, who, as a great-grandfather, will be celebrated by three generations of descendants, deserve William Jackson Smart’s special day? What about all those other boomer dads who took off because they fell out of love? (“Hey man, it happens.”) How do you honor fathers who refused to behave like fathers? Do they merit the gift cards, the neckties and spice racks made in shop class?
See Also: Fatherless Doublethink.
*Hall’s post is a simultaneous defense of destructive behavior and a subtle reminder to single mothers that as a married mother she outranks them.
**H/T MrTeebs
Here is a single mother for all you single guys out there. This posting I found on my city’s local Plenty of Fish site. And yes, the picture fits the post:
I’m just a ball of fun very down to earth, A hustler!!.. enjoys all kinds of music & pay my rent and bills every month :/.. I work spend time with my family and smoke 420 because..well..Ima stoner! Lol .. Ima Scorpio I keep sh*t real and don’t hold grudges. I love Cooking & Baking Cakes Im a mother of a 18 year old reaching hes college career he will be married soon and me?…well!!.. Ima be one lonely b*tch =/..Lol But, hey life is what u make out of it right?.. So im looking to have a second baby with the right one that comes my way. I could care less about looks but if your shoes are too tight bypass my page I don’t want u. Personality & Sense of humor comes first, Im looking for someone REAL, LOYAL & HONEST someone with a BIG D*CK. Average is fine, good hygiene, warm cuddler, hardworking, goal oriented etc.. Plz take notes Button D*cks will get eliminated right on the spot why???.. Cause yall pathetic & a waste of my time!!… Police officers, detectives, the feds etc can go to Donkun Donuts & kiss my black ass!.. I dont care “Luluu” I swear!!.. Im very old school so new school doesn’t impress me one fu*king bit so if u wear tight clothes looking like a straight b*tch Im not interested neither. I prefer to stay home sip on some wine, smoke sum weight , cuddle, & watch Netflix etc. then to go out to the club scene so if your a party animal then bypass my page. I do sniff ones every New Years Eve but whats New Years without a little powder up in your nose namean. Yesss Ima B*tch and i have issues but so do u muhfuqqa!!.. Yeah on another note i would like to become friends first see where it goes before taking things to the next level!!!.. Im not getting any younger and im not trying to wait too long neither lol. I want my baby before i hit 39 or 40 =0… Anything else u wanna know just ask!
Happy Father’s Day! Let us all commit to expect fathers to be equal caregivers & just as competent in the home as mothers are in the office.
— Anne-Marie Slaughter (@SlaughterAM) June 19, 2016
Pingback: Father’s Day doublethink. – Manosphere.org
Post-modern life in all its expressions, without exception, is false, ugly and insane.
6 of the 7 “facts” of that article are plain lies. The fact that they aren’t looking for a new father for their kids is probably true for the majority of them. The minority (with half a brain) recognize the importance of fathers.
To claim that their children are not disadvantaged is a starement so unhinged from objective reality that it provokes pity rather than scorn.
@Damn Crackers: Where do I sign up?
>>>In my junior high school years, every father and every mother were fighting in every kitchen. Every road trip was tense. Every kid was being raised by a single parent. No one could go out on Saturday because it was “my father’s weekend,” which meant an awkward stay with the old man and new girlfriend in an apartment downtown — apartments that always smelled like fresh paint.
Do they no see that this tears open the slave quarters every bit as much as Hurricane Katrina?
Women living in marital home with kids. Dad living in inner city apartment. Awkward stay because the kids have been alienated, not because Dad doesn’t want to see them.
This shows the atrocity of Western civilization more clearly than anything I have seen for a long time.
As for Dalrock’s OP link-
ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY HAMSTER shown to us by the learned one in all it’s hypergamous, delusional glory.
It was a major tragedy for our family when my father died. I’m not just talking about the deep, enduring hurt of losing a beloved spouse/parent at a relatively young age. One of my brothers went completely off the rails, and my mom collapsed. Forget traditional morality, custom, religion, whatever–plain observation shows how disadvantaged children are when Dad isn’t around.
But in a really terrible way, I was “luckier” than children whose fathers had been kicked out; even though my father was no longer physically present, he was always held up as this wonderful ideal of intelligence, kindness, strength, and manliness. He was still someone whose memory I wouldn’t want to disappoint, and a model for me to look at when considering relationships with men. Marriage itself was presented as something you enter into for life, and there was never any sort of tearing-down of the man’s role as husband and father.
My relationship with Sir Michael Jagger – even though as youngsters we lived in adjoining towns – has never been that of Father and Son. Despite the fact (I am not sure whether you can hear it) that he adopts a fake accent; he is in fact middle-class, left Grammar School with 3 A’levels and then went on The LSE (The London School of Economics – presently ranked for economics fourth in the world after MIT, Harvard and Stanford). Mick’s problem was that when he went to school as a five-year-old he had as a class-mate one Keith Richards but Keith and Mick are still together nearly seventy years later – so that tells you something. I have never understood Mick’s taste in women (though Convent girl Marianne Faithful was once very cute) and technically he has been divorced only once. I think any man with seven children deserves some kind of recognition.
Playing Rhythm and Blues is of course, for a boy from the south east of London, a form of cultural appropriation and essentially no different from putting on black face to perform Minstrelsy.
Yes, most people I know were shocked when I have informed them that Mick Jagger attended the LSE.
One of the benefits of being a regular social media participant is I can attest to the complete absurdity and wishful thinking of this statement:
They didn’t spend all this time getting rid of theirs and supporting their kids and working their arses off to have to wake up next to your farting, snoring, horny delight. He is all yours.
Every divorcee and single mom on my shared page with Mychael is consumed with how “next time” it will be “true love” and how they won’t “settle” for anything less.
I went to a church against my better judgement on Fathers day. Sure enough it took just a few minutes for the pastor to start pointing out how men/fathers are failing.. Thats when I opened my Bible and began reading it on my own, ignoring everything he was saying. Of course, the person I was with ate up everything the pastor said and thought he was great.
It never stops surprising me how in the day where fathers are to be honored they are summarily executed in front of all and shown to be weak human beings. There are always things to be said that must be said but that is not the time nor the place. Contrast that with how mothers are glorified in their day.
It remains amusing how, every year, there is at least one dud’s day bash-piece like this one telling us proles why kids don’t need no dad. And then in paragraph 2 it’s asking why aren’t you a better dad, or a step-up stepdad, for these kids who (per paragraph one) don’t need you?
The most hamster-lated book I ever saw, acquired at a 99 cent beat-up table, was “The Single Mother’s Handbook.” Which names one chapter “Where’s Daddy? Why no daddy?” Which the book admits every child asks. And to which the answer apparently is, paraphrasing generally, “hommada hommada hommada”…
It has been a duty these past few years to instruct our surly sprog on the fact that we’re an intact family, as opposed to the households of so many of her classmates. We’re the outliers.
As for Sir Mick, it’s no surprise he uses a put-on accent. From time to time he tries on a fake-American accent too (see his chat with John Lennon in “Rock & Roll Circus” from 1968). It’s kind of a Peter Sellers/BBC Radio Acting School Yankee accent, learned by saying “hern hern” a lot.
That Hall article is hilarious.
It’s a classic, “Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?”
You can bet the farm they do. There’s a reason the real father isn’t with her 24/7. Either she jettisoned him or he walked away. She either looked to “trade up” or felt she was deprived.
Yes they are. Judge away.
Fair enough. But they’ll climb over your dead carcass for a rich, available guy.
No, they aren’t uncomfortable. They make the couples uncomfortable.
Classic quote: Anybody could wake up tomorrow and become a single parent
I’m not going to add a thing to the fickle hand of fate that suddenly strikes from nowhere and was never set in motion by actions or events.
It just happens.
Who is she telling this too? Herself?
Technically true. They want the billionaire handyman. But they’ll settle for your man.
Pingback: Father’s Day doublethink. | Reaction Times
Off-topic a bit, but Doug Wilson redeems himself somewhat here:
https://dougwils.com/the-church/peril-zero-sum-counseling.html
One might think he’d been reading here…
They might not want your husband, but they sure do want him around to help move furniture, tidy the garage, assist with yard work, manage the car… every divorced woman my mom has ever dealt with has usually tried to get my dad to come over to do things for her.
Divorcees want all the convenience of a man’s labor without having to inconvenience themselves to make him happy. They don’t seem the grasp the simple principle that ejecting their man from their life means they don’t have a man around to do things for them.
1. “They don’t want a new dad for their kids.” This is simply ego-buttressing.
2. “Their kids aren’t disadvantaged.” Supported by all the research about kids with broken homes. Oh, wait.
3. “They aren’t always broke.” When the govt. check comes, they are trailer-trash rich.
4. “They didn’t mess anything up.” Cuz the govt. check is a great backstop. And kids do so much better without a father in the house.
5. “They aren’t uncomfortable around couples.” Ego-buttressing
6. “Their kids aren’t baggage.” That’s what sitters are for.
7. “They don’t want your husbands.” Propaganda to make them seem less of a threat.
“single mothers (as a group) deliberately ejected the father of their children from the home.”
Familiar in family
Wowser and a glass of lemonade
every divorced woman my mom has ever dealt with has usually tried to get my dad to come over to do things for her.
Sure, and if they go to church they might even pose as “widows”, blurring the line between “man died” and “man chased off” in order to make themselves look better. This is why it is important for churchgoing men to insist that “widow” is not the same as “babymomma”, “single mother”, “divorcee” and so forth. Unless a woman is a widow because she killed her husband, of course.
The whole article stinks of hamster pellets.
Scott,
I’ve been enjoying your blog, but have a question—I’ve seen a lot of negative stuff said about single moms and I can understand the reasoning, but didn’t you marry a single mom? How is that OK and how is she the exception to the general rule that single moms are not to be bothered with?
“Every divorcee and single mom on my shared page with Mychael is consumed with how “next time” it will be “true love” and how they won’t “settle” for anything less.”
Did Mychael think her “next time” that ended up being with you was gonna be true love?
Heartiste tweeted out this viral post today.
If a single mom is at least OK looking, you can count on thirsty orbiters to keep the hamster fed (and in this case, the hamsters of thousands of women who will get a morale boost from her example).
@Cynthia:
I never even considered how often single mothers/divorcees ask my husband for help with everything from moving furniture to figuring out what kind of tech devices they should purchase. Widows too though to be fair.
It is just normal to help out and I never considered the big picture for even a second. Huh.
Stevesam221-
It’s a valid question, about a sensitive topic.
Of course, one way to answer it would be to go over every blog post, and every comment on every site over the last 4ish years to see that we (and most importantly, she) have been as up front about it as possible, without being uneccesarily lurid or graphic.
But the answer is, I was very “blue pill” when we married, including everything you can possibly infer from that regarding single moms, me being on my 2d marriage as well.
To the extent that our marriage is exceptional is entirely related to her post-red pill broken heart and approach to me ever since.
It is a story that we feel serves as a warning, but one that includes a glimpse of what grace awaits the truly repentant.
As a rule, I don’t ever criticize any other man for making his own choices. Life is all about being the best man you can be, and playing the cards you are dealt, as best you know how. That said, holy shit!
This is not an attractive woman — largely by her own conscious choices. Why the fuck is she shaving half her head? What happened to her earlobes? Did she get that skank-ho tattoo in the alley behind the abortion clinic, or from the big ugly dyke in the jailhouse drunk-tank?
This is a very perfect example of a man who looks OK, who is settling for much less than he could get. It makes me sad to see it. If he would just hit the gym, get a good haircut (from a male homosexual, rather than a female) and learn to dress himself, he could probably choose from all sorts of worthy women to marry. Instead he chose the easy road. My money is on the ho’ suing him for child support for that kid who isn’t even biologically his, a few years from now. Not wishing him ill, but the markers for mental illness and chronic instability are all there.
Boxer
OT. Trump fired Lewandowski after “pressure from his family.” Just like he caved on punishing women for abortion after pressure from his daughter? Not impressed.
Thanks, Scott. That helps.
In response to this though,
“To the extent that our marriage is exceptional is entirely related to her post-red pill broken heart and approach to me ever since.”
So is it possible then that other single moms could see the light, get the red pill and have an exceptional marriage the second time around also? If so, I don’t think other men should be steered away from single moms so much as they might lose out on a woman such as your wife.
You guys are mean to single mothers.
When my wife and I take the grandchildren to the park with a petting zoo, about half the time I can expect IOI’s, complete with submissive expressions and chat, from 20 and 30 something single moms with a multi coloured brood.
Dread game works, and single mothers are useful for it.
Why the fuck is she shaving half her head?
I too wonder why that stupid hairstyle got started. It cannot possibly be seen as attractive in any era…
So is it possible then that other single moms could see the light, get the red pill and have an exceptional marriage the second time around also? If so, I don’t think other men should be steered away from single moms so much as they might lose out on a woman such as your wife.
That is a topic that a great many commenters here will likely chime in on.
It is fraught with many dimensions and rabbit trails to go down that I am hoping to one day explore further in a blog post with Mychael.
For now, I would describe what you are talking about as “my hope” for an interim solution to the problem while we work on a better one.
But I am not sure what the likelihood is.
There have been a lot of people doing very sinful things out there for several generations. A lot of pain. And it all needs be dealt with appropruately.
You guys are mean to single mothers.
It depends on whether you care about the long-term social fabric and moral accountability, or whether you care about PUA fodder.
Yes, single mothers are an unlimited supply of easy snatch for a PUA, and provide a great deal of practice for a PUA who wants to use them for practice and then aim higher. For that purpose, they are useful. Outside of that, they are probably the single biggest thing wrong with the West…
Elspeth,
I never even considered how often single mothers/divorcees ask my husband for help with everything from moving furniture to figuring out what kind of tech devices they should purchase. Widows too though to be fair.
You absolutely must block off all of them except for the rare widows. They are appropriating your husband, which is wrong both on the micro and macro levels.
You must block this. Widows only may take his services.
The only purpose I can fathom is as a challenge. Women seem to derive a sadistic amount of joy from these underhanded insults directed at the men who love them.
Elspeth:
Wise words from our shadowy brother Anon. Good people (both women and men) sometimes don’t realize how devious these skanks are. Your husband does not owe any skank ho single mom a moment of his time, nor an ounce of his labor, nor a penny of his money. The more they get from him, the more they want, and it’s a meaningless and needless temptation that he has to bear (they’re offering up the goods you can bet on this — they do it merely to mess with you, because misery loves company).
I would be very careful about the widows too, frankly.
Ultimately, these women made their choices. They should live with them. A skank ho single mom who needs work done can pay someone or ask her brother for help. Your husband belongs to you.
Boxer
Why the fuck is she shaving half her head?
I too wonder why that stupid hairstyle got started. It cannot possibly be seen as attractive in any era…
Hey, you two geezers forgot to tell her to stay off your lawn. Gauges are repulsive to me and asymmetric cuts laughable, but…I’m not the intended target, nor are you.
Elspeth, as you know the line between asking for help and asking for something else is fuzzy. For a lot of women, “signalling attraction” consists simply of putting themselves next to the man they are trying to signal to. It’s become clear to me lately that a lot of that behavior isn’t even conscious in many women. Just like men who have to work to keep their eyes above the neck, in a way.
Scott
It is fraught with many dimensions and rabbit trails to go down that I am hoping to one day explore further in a blog post with Mychael.
For now, I would describe what you are talking about as “my hope” for an interim solution to the problem while we work on a better one.
One obvious problem: presenting the facts, that you and Mychael have made this situation work, yet not handing out a heaping pile of false hope to single mothers who want to have but are not willing to pay for such a relationship. Or to put it another way: this is possible but it is rare and quite difficult to do. Single women with children can be an extreme case of desire for fried ice – their illusory freedom paired with a man they can call their own.
I don’t have any suggestions on how to proceed. It’s like saying anyone can compete in a triathlon; only those willing to pay the price will have even a chance.
The fem-beast said :
They didn’t spend all this time getting rid of theirs and supporting their kids and working their arses off to have to wake up next to your farting, snoring, horny delight. He is all yours.
Gee, it is a good thing that women stay attractive until a much later age than men, so no man ever has to endure the equivalent. /sarc.
Even one day a year on Fathers Day (maybe especially on Fathers Day) the feminists cannot grant even one iota of acknowledgement or respect for the hard working responsible fathers who stick it out even with all the decks stacked against them.
AR-
It is for these reasons you never see me engaged in the debates/discussions between single guys on pre-qualifying/disqualifying factors, per se.
I have no argument with those who say “n= x = no way!” Those who do have very strong data to back up those rules. They would rather stay single than take the risks that go with it.
It’s just not what I think our story is useful for. I was a “high N” Christian church guy, especially before and in between marriages, so it is very difficult to enter those conversations with any credibility.
It is for these reasons you never see me engaged in the debates/discussions between single guys on pre-qualifying/disqualifying factors, per se.
Not exactly the same reasons, but I neither involve myself in that discourse
So is it possible then that other single moms could see the light, get the red pill and have an exceptional marriage the second time around also? If so, I don’t think other men should be steered away from single moms so much as they might lose out on a woman such as your wife.
Possible, yes, but not likely. It’s all a risk assessment exercise, and generally it’s a bad risk. That doesn’t mean it will turn out badly every single time, but it’s a risk analysis. Just for one thing — whatever we want to say about first marriage divorce rates and disagree about where they are and so on, everyone pretty much agrees that divorce risk is much higher for second (and later) marriages, overall. So the risk is simply higher, whether there are prior children involved or not.
“They didn’t spend all this time getting rid of theirs and supporting their kids and working their arses off to have to wake up next to your farting, snoring, horny delight. He is all yours.”
Wow. The breathtaking graciousness and beauty of the woman who writes this. Epitome of Western sophistication personified.
The truth is that every one of those points on the list has a thread of truth running through it. Every one. Women grossly underestimate what men do – if they didn’t they would be far more gracious . They DO want a dad for their kids – they just don’t want to support him in his life. The kids ARE disadvantaged – 40+ years of social science research shows academic underachievement, social maladjustment, teenage drug, alcohol abuse, promiscuity, crime, teen pregnancy. But if you take smaller sample sizes from wealthy areas “…when socioeconomic factors are adjusted for …” – the kids are alright. They are ALWAYS desperately short of cash, because a man responsibly budgets and spends very little on himself while a woman – hair, makeup, nail polish, manicure , pedicure, hair removal, clothes yada yada…They DID mess things up – they just won’t admit to it because ..Hamster…The kids ARE baggage, a fact obvious to everyone except her. And yes, she doesn’t want your husband. She just wants that burping, farting horny carcass to make himself useful FOR HER, while she gives nothing back because she is selfish beyond belief.
I personally love the bit about working their arses off. It isn’t their arse that they worked, and they have the thugspawn to prove it.
PS Boxer: Why has she shaved half of her head? 1 Corinthians 11:5. Dishonor and rebellion. Ultimately, against God Most High.
Novaseeker is right, that particular situation is about risk assessment. I don’t know the odds off the top of my head about divorce from that particular group, but I suspect they aren’t very good. Can it work out? Of course. But that doesn’t mean one would be well advised to play the odds. The old parachute analogy seems fit: Would you go skydiving if you knew your chute had only a 50/50 chance of working? I imagine few would.
I am one of those guys that Scott references above. I am very much calculating the risk here. Is is clear? Not always. But some data exists, and it doesn’t paint a pretty picture. If I might toot my own horn a bit, it isn’t only about myself, either:
https://donalgraeme.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/think-of-the-children/
If I might toot my own horn a bit, it isn’t only about myself, either:
If there was a communicable disease, bacterial or viral, that does to children and teens what divorce does … the effort to Find A Cure would be massive, on the order of the breast cancer industry.
The topic of single moms always brings men reaching for the exception to the rule. As Novaseeker said, it’s a risk assessment, and single moms are a huge risk. There are far more single women out there, even Christian single women in a particular town, than a man will ever be able to date and consider for wife material, so a man has to narrow them down somehow. Having children by previous men is a very good place to start narrowing.
Now, IF there’s a single mom who belongs to your church, and IF you know she was abandoned through no fault of her own, and IF you know she’s repented of whatever part she had in it, and IF she hasn’t been dating around and enjoying the single life, and IF she has good family background and support, and IF, IF, IF, IF…. If she’s truly an exception to the rule, and you’re sure you’re not fooling yourself into thinking so because she’s hot or you have the urge to save her, then proceed if you insist…with great caution.
But if you’re asking friends if they know any available girls, or you’re setting up your filter on a dating site, it’s just smart to start out by turning on the “children=none” filter. Why raise the degree of difficulty for yourself for no reason?
If your reaction is, “But it’s not fair to rule out that one good single mom out there,” well, too bad. Unless you’re going to date every single girl out there, you’re going to reject some one way or another.
Sounds like the women who wrote the article about single moms plans to be one soon.
Sorry if this is a double post, it looks like my comment was eaten.
@Elspeth
They are going after your husband. I hope you have always been present when he has helped for his own protection. One nutcase and it is a he said/she said situation that will most likely not go well for him because he is a man. This happens to us all the time. I tell them no, he is busy taking care of us and offer the number of a good contractor. They never take the number. On the rare times he said yes, I added I was joining the party and then suddenly he wasn’t needed. In fact, our Pastors wife got out of control because some men helped with a project and then she began following my husband around asking for more stuff. It never ended. I cut that out real quick.
Husbands should do things for their Wife, Daughters and Mothers. In that order.Anyone else can pay a contractor or get a man. Christian or not. Unless, of course, the husbands don’t mind eating take out while watching the wife cook a feast for some single guy. Or worse, watching me leave to go there and cook it with that guy alone. It is for their protection and yours.
@ AR
That is Quote Of The Day worthy right there.
Cail Corishev writes:
Back in the day when Brother Boxer was a young playa, he would often toy with such damaged wimminz, much like a cat would have a bit of fun at the expense of his ratty dinner.
It wasn’t often that I found a woman who was abandoned through no fault of her own, but there were such women, and it always surprised me when after patiently listening to the sob story of the drunk/drug addled/pedophile/violent ex-boyfriend, I’d ask the question “how much time is he serving?” and she’d shoot back “5 to life in Walla Walla”.
I have no problem with any woman who wants to divorce a man of low character who is a legitimate asshole — by society’s standards, rather than princess’ — but even here, you still ought not to date such a woman. Why? Because she has a demonstrable history of incredibly poor judgment.
There are women who will marry or move in with violent drug dealers, pedophiles, and junkies. These same women will want to settle down with a nice Protestant or Catholic boy after they’ve rode the cock into his eventual incarceration or until he runs off with one of his prostitutes. Once married to such a woman, she will become the defacto owner of all your stuff, the master of your life, who can call in the police and divorce courts at any time she feels slighted.
Just say no to the ho’. Don’t marry a single mom.
“Why the fuck is she shaving half her head?”
I can only guess that she’s trying to look masculine.
@ stevesam221 says:
June 20, 2016 at 5:37 pm
“I don’t think other men should be steered away from single moms so much as they might lose out on a woman such as your wife.”
It’s a general rule (and a very good one at that), not an absolute. Another wise general rule is “don’t marry a fat woman’s daughter”. Why? Because most women take after their mothers. However, some women don’t. She may have a skinny father and take after his side of the family. Either way, a man should understand the risk he’s taking before he decides to take it.
Likewise, I know exemplary couples where the husband and/or wife are previously divorced. Repentance and God’s grace can work miracles, but a man should understand the risk inherent to such a relationship before he makes a life-long covenant with a divorced woman (assuming adultery or abandonment), and vice-versa.
Keep in mind that many of us here are middle aged (I’m 40) or older, and have sons of our own (I have four). I use the discussions here to help me formulate the kind of advice I’ll pass on to my sons that I wish someone had given me*, and I believe others do so as well. I don’t know your age, but I know I’ve learned a lot from Dalrock and several of the commenters here. It’s a good place to hang out.
Keep in mind that many of us here are middle aged (I’m 40) or older, and have sons of our own (I have four). I use the discussions here to help me formulate the kind of advice I’ll pass on to my sons that I wish someone had given me*, and I believe others do so as well. I don’t know your age, but I know I’ve learned a lot from Dalrock and several of the commenters here. It’s a good place to hang out.
Correct.
It bears repeating that at the time of my current marriage, I was nominally “Christian.” I was following the “male” side of Dalrocks “sacred path to marriage.” I had my “fun” in high school and leading up to my first marriage–this was actually one of the things that attracted my first wife to me. That I was a rebellious “carnal” Christian who her parents hated.
Then again between marriages. I was doing the “looking for one to tame me” thing. It is the general American dating/marriage/divorce/remarriage script, and pretty much everyone does it–Christian or not. I am convinced there is a TINY population of Christians who don’t. The rest just don’t talk about it. Ours is, using the generalizations Oscar writes of, a story of what not to do. That is exactly how we discuss it with the oldest (now 20). And will continue to do so with the littles, when they are old enough.
@Boxer
You’re right. She’s not attractive. But simply by being thin, she is guaranteed an unlimited amount of interest in whatever whale-o-rama town she lives in. That’s how bad it is. If the girl can actually be seen in the nude then she can be all kinds of a nutjob in every other way, with all kinds of hideous tats and earlobe plates and nostril studs etc. Guys are dying of thirst. It’s a disgrace.
As far as the 50/50 parachuting analogy…at least parachuting is fun and exciting with some kind of payoff. That’s where the metaphor falls off a bit.
Every man should read the first chapter of the book “Roots.” It describes the social arrangements of the African village where Kunta Kinte was born. The women (mothers, grandmothers) and all children under seven live in huts on one side of the village; in the centre are the crops; and on the other side of the village the men/husbands live alone in their own huts. When the boys reach seven years of age, they move out from under their mother’s roof and move in with their father, where he proceeds to raise them in the village duties required from the men (herding, hunting, defence). Husbands and wives can get together for sex whenever the mood strikes them, but otherwise they live separately. It’s all more civilized than the greatest engineering feats of Western societies.
Even one day a year on Fathers Day (maybe especially on Fathers Day) the feminists cannot grant even one iota of acknowledgement or respect for the hard working responsible fathers who stick it out even with all the decks stacked against them.
Not just self-described feminists, but pretty much the majority of women in the Anglosphere, whether married with kids or not.
I’d really just rather see this holiday abolished altogether than let it continue to be Open-Season-on-Dads-Day like it’s been for the last couple of decades. Or, in the interest of honesty, they could just rename it “Fathers Suck Day.”
A vanishingly small proportion of single mothers are abandoned due to no fault of their own. Most chose to reproduce with a man they knew, or reasonably should have known, was at significant risk of abandoning her — thug, substance abuser, uneducated, low-future-time-orientation, member of a community where abandonment is socially acceptable — or by their bad behavior drove an otherwise loyal man away to preserve his sanity. I know maybe 20 single mothers well enough to know there story and one or both of the above characterizes 100% of them.
@ Modsquad says:
June 20, 2016 at 11:03 pm
“… the social arrangements of the African village where Kunta Kinte was born… It’s all more civilized than the greatest engineering feats of Western societies.”
No. It really isn’t.
@ Oscar says:
June 21, 2016 at 12:13 am
“No. It really isn’t.”
I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.
“I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.”
So stupid.
” The women live… in huts… the men/husbands live alone in their own huts… [and periodically undertake their] village duties (herding, hunting, defense). It’s all more civilized than the greatest engineering feats of Western societies.”
Yeah, regular Brunels all, I’m sure. “Hey, NgKoko, check the reactor coolant levels before joining the tonight’s raiding party, will you? Oh and don’t forget your penis gourd this time. That’s a good chap.”
Glorious matriarchies of the past and not-so-distant future. Come for the rotating polyandry, stay for the sleeping sickness.
I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.
The period of America’s greatest construction feats (1880-1974), coincided with a great deal of poverty as well. There was *more* homelessness than in 2016, not less.
I mentioned that I once lived in the town next door to where Jagger was brought-up. I just thought you’d all like to know that it is where poor Princess Pocahontas died and is buried. Her grave is unmarked but there is in that otherwise unadorned burial-ground a more-or-less life-sized statue of her. I always wonder what she would have made of Shakespearean London.
Richard Brookheiser answered the question as to why that woman shaved half her head.
Years ago, Brookheiser had cancer. The chemo made him bald. He noticed a strange thing — strangers in New York City became wary of him. They looked at him with fear and trepidation. People became nervous sharing elevators with him.
Brookheiser realized that he looked intimidating bald. He was already a tall guy — 6’4″ or so. With his tall height and leather jacket, his bald head was the finishing touch. He looked scary.
Brookheiser wondered, why is baldness frightening? He deduced that any deviation from societal norms regarding clothes, or hair, or makeup is potentially frightening, because it sends a signal that this person does not conform to society’s rules. Thus, he could be dangerous. (Think of punk rock men with black lipstick and eye shadow — not feminine, but unsettling, even scary.)
That’s why that woman shaved her head. Why so many women get tattoos and facial piercings. It’s a way of signaling rebellion. Don’t expect her to conform to your rules. Don’t expect her to give a damn about your judgements. She is her own boss. A strong, independent woman. Take her as is, or take the f— off!
Last night, surfing Facebook, as one does I came across the page for a woman probably now aged in her early forties with whom some half-dozen years ago I had, as I now realise, been romantically set up. Her brother by-the-way is a pretty distinguished (classical) musician; given my talents was this not an obvious match? That she consistently failed to pronounce my name correctly – is Opus so difficult; she kept calling me GrOpe? – hardly endeared her to me. She had an out-of-wedlock daughter of about ten years-of-age. In any event I wasn’t interested (not that she was fat or ugly – I’d say a six) and yet when I was younger I had without thought dated a number of divorced or unmarried women with children – they tend to be grateful for the attention and are thus an easy lay. No one, not even my parents, warned against doing so, perhaps because in those days such women were comparatively rare or at least a new and largely unknown phenomenon and thus not seen as a risk. These days it is as much the fear of false accusation by the offspring as much as the risk of Frivorce that would prevent me from even contemplating dating a single-mother – as I implied I did not realise that I was being set-up.
That woman has now, I see, married and had two children with her husband. Being a graduate of the liberal arts college which is the Charteau Heatiste and putting to use my learned skill in detecting ‘tells’, I could see from his body-language in the wedding photos that her mid-forties husband is a Beta male and the fact that they married in church suggests to me that being a first marriage for both this was a man previously invisible to women – Norman Churches do look so good when photographed in Monochrome thus setting off the white of the bridal gown and veil – and her constantly pursed lips suggested to me further that behind the smile she held a stiletto. This was a woman whose looks and perhaps slut-dom had prevented her from securing some twenty years earlier the up-market Alpha that clearly she wanted. She now lives with her husband and all three children in the wing of the country-house which I take it he owns. He thus has a lot to lose although on the credit side of the balance sheet he has gained two lovely little children. Marrying a single mother when one is young and have nothing and thus nothing to lose is considerably less risky than marrying when older and more financially established. Even so it should be avoided.
What however do the children think and how does it affect them? I have some writings by Great Great Grandfather Opus. This is what he tells: his Father who had been in the military had died and so aged about ten he was packed off to boarding school. He could not have been entirely happy as once he ran away from school, though being chatised for this disobedience he blamed himself. One day he heard a rumour (whilst still at school) that his Mother had remarried. He simply would not believe that she could have done such a thing. It was only when he finally met his step-father – Thomas-like – that he was prepared to accept the truth of the fact. He said that his step-father (an officer in The Royal Engineers) was a wonderful man and that he could not have wished for a better Step-Father. This was in the 1820s.
If there was a communicable disease, bacterial or viral, that does to children and teens what divorce does … the effort to Find A Cure would be massive, on the order of the breast cancer industry
Or if it could be pinned on vaccinations yo.
@Scott
Ours is, using the generalizations Oscar writes of, a story of what not to do. That is exactly how we discuss it with the oldest (now 20). And will continue to do so with the littles, when they are old enough.
Last evening my 23 year old (who I cannot seem to find anything majorly wrong with, such a fine fine young man) remarked that in the time between 17 and 23 the changes he experienced were unbelievable. He and I had been talking about gaining freedoms as we grow from child through young adult to adult so I thought he was on that subject contextually, yet he said something like “yea, things I became aware of, learned, about life, about people, even about certain people, some of this stuff hurt me as I went along, some discouraged and some I just had difficulty taking on board”
Im thinking much of his reference is to stuff about his mom and I, for instance that we’d both had prior marriages and because no kids from them we never told our kids until age 17 or 18, but more things as well about us, about our extended families, dirty laundry stuff. On the plus side though, I know he was also telling me in code (sister and mom could hear) that the red pill stuff he picked up and now comme nts on regularly with me, that was very tough on him.
@ Modsquad says:
June 21, 2016 at 12:28 am
“I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.”
The reason our culture is deteriorating is NOT because mothers and fathers live in the same house. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Wow! I couldn’t disagree more. I rather like Father’s Day for a number of reasons.
1. My own dad, while by no means perfect, enjoys it.
2. I enjoy an excuse to call my own dad.
3. It seems to really annoy feminists.
The first two, while obviously enough to keep the holiday around, are not the most satisfying reasons. Watching the disrespectful hag Michelle Obama get her dumb ass up on stage and insult every father in America is the reason I love Father’s Day. I get a lot of mirth and merriment from watching our enemies moan and squirm, and this is one event that satisfies like few others.
Boxer
You ought to read Simon Sheppard’s work on Procedural Analysis. It’s hard to find (Amazon pulled it for being structurally misogyny) but will explain a lot of this stuff in a more linear way.
Modsquad @ 12:28 am:
“I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.”
Our problem is our leaders, not our American way of life. Strip-mined and destitute men do not build suspension bridges in the first place. Neither do Africans even in good times.
Remember that half of feminism is tribal warlords.
@Modsquad
“Husbands and wives can get together for sex whenever the mood strikes them, but otherwise they live separately. It’s all more civilized than the greatest engineering feats of Western societies.”
Are you advocating the idea of the Noble Savage?
Matthew 19:5 “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?”
“Why the fuck is she shaving half her head?”
To conform.
(I’m dating myself here), in the 60’s the hippies portrayed themselves as the outsider rebels, but in fact they were the MOST rigidly conformist group of the day. If you didn’t conform to their narrow idea of “rebelling” then you weren’t rebel at all.
You see the same to day on the left. It holds itself out to be diverse and inclusive, but unless you hold to a narrow set of politically-correct ideas the will ostracize you.
No doubt, she thinks she is being counter-culture and rebellious, but she is conforming to a cultural norm. I’d dare say she’s on the same track millions of other young women have travelled: live it up till you are 30, then find a beta-provider and settle down.
Greetings, Dalrock. I thought maybe you or some of your readers might be interested in this:
“This ‘Father’s Day’ sermon shows why much of modern Christianity will not hold women accountable. This lack of accountability for women has resulted in the destruction of families – by female predators, and by out of control women. It is time for a much needed balance in this area.”
tinysa.com/sermon/619161430243
@Scott: Can marrying a single mother work out.
And the answer is….ONLY IF:
>>>><"I was a high n count Christian…"
I believe a single mom who is genuinely repentant can be forgiven. There are still temporal consequences to her behavior and a truly repentant single mom would expect to be plated for quite some time before she get's any type of exclusivity. She would be submissive, kind and sweet- and she would be exactly that for a long, long time.
Single moms are the same as any other woman. They will be Alpha Widowed unless you- her LTR/Husband are swinging the biggest Alpha of the group.
With high n count women and single moms the principal remains. It is just a lot harder to meet the Alpha Widow hurdle and AMOG her entire fuck group if she has a particularly large fuck group. Simple law of averages.
I neglected to mention the little problem of having an Alpha fuck prize who you are expected to parent which is not exactly a selling point.
>>>I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.
Men were not strip mined until the 1960’s and they were not made (psychologically and emotionally) destitute until the 70’s and 80’s.
The society you so admire was a primitive, barbaric village without the ability to even build the rope that would go on that 20000 foot suspension bridge much less the metallurgy or the math skills. The example you chose is amazingly pathetic by historical standards. Mayans, Inca, Zulu, Roman, Greek, Ming Dynasty are all much better examples of actual civilizations. The next step down for you is a pack of chimps battling it out for their territory. Good luck with that and do tell us how it all worked out.
The movie “The Do Over” on Netflix has a great message about marrying a divorced woman with kids. ****** spoiler alert ********
Beta male marries “girl of his dreams” after she divorces her first husband.
She still pines for her alpha-ex.
Her kids don’t respect the guy (even though he is supporting them).
Only after he frees himself of the situation by faking his own death does he realize what a raw deal he had.
Conversely, there is another marriage that shows how everything can go right with a marriage, if you are dedicated to each other and stick with each other through the tough times.
It really is a red-pill morality play.
There can be good parents. My Mom and Dad were prime examples. I tried to describe this a few times on my blog but most people know intuitively what good parents are. So I do not see any reason to elaborate on it here. I just mean to point out there were such people in the world.
” Such women aren’t done with men” just the farting, snoring, horny kind. OK just the farting, snoring kind. A good looking single mom can still get a hunk. Even for marriage. The average and below types are stuck with average and below men who may or may not agree to cohabit with them. Generally single moms don’t want to cohabit with men unless they are contributing significantly to the household anyway. Adult Friend Finder, Tinder and other such things assure no one has to go without in the sex department.
@Modsquad ” Husbands and wives can get together for sex whenever the mood strikes them, but otherwise they live separately. It’s all more civilized than the greatest engineering feats of Western societies.” The tech feats and family/community formation are two different things. I agree their social set up is better. We can transition to that while keeping our tech. Best of both worlds.
@Modsquad ‘Every man should read the first chapter of the book “Roots.” It describes the social arrangements of the African village where Kunta Kinte was born.’
LOL, selling subsaharan africa as ‘advanced’ is an old canard that never flies. Robert Mugabe strongly agrees with you and given time Rhodesia will be properly civilized in the very same way you suggest; we should follow their lead no doubt!
@Daily Llama ‘Generally single moms don’t want to cohabit with men unless they are contributing significantly to the household anyway.’
Facts are not your strong suit – thanks for allowing me a belly laugh today. I for one vote to keep you around just for the comedic value of galactically stupid baseless statements that are bound to be forthcoming.
“thanks for allowing me a belly laugh today.” You’re most welcome! I take it you’re over 50? Sex is freely available to the rest of us by entering in our zip codes on AFF. Single moms want live in men to contribute financially to their households or at least take care of their kids. Just to have a guy come over and eat, sleep and sex they have FWBs for that.
I don’t see the payoff for a society that can build a 2,000′ suspension bridge, only to have strip-mined and destitute men living beneath it.
There was payoff before the 1970s when being a husband and father meant something to most folks. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a lot better than what we have now and leagues above a mud hut society.
http://www.fisheaters.com/garbagegeneration.html
@Daily Llama – No I am not over 50 and I’m fully aware of the technology. Thanks for the value add.
Fair enough. I’m interested to know why you think single moms want to cohabit with men who are neither contributing financially to the household or taking care of their kids? Its not easy for the average, largely unattractive (emphasis on LARGEly) single mom to find a man of means who wants to commit to her, marry her or cohabit with her and take on the role of step-father or father figure. Generally only good looking single moms get this luxury. For the rest, free loaders and other undesirables are the ones who target these women. While these women may keep these losers on speed dial for the nights they feel lonely, they are not begging them to move in and eat them and their kids out of house and home.
@Daily Llama
Who really cares if single moms want to cohabit with men contributing financially or not?
My point was – who cares? And really, who cares about anything related to single moms and certainly what if any man they sleep with, and even less interesting are ‘good-looking single moms.’ While you are at it, speak up for kind hookers, honest gamblers and attractive drug addicts.
Disagree so much with that article. One way to disprove it: take a stroll around your local Wal-Mart. You’ll see women who look just like her not being able to settle children down.
Daily Llama@ June 21, 2016 at 4:11 pm:
” I’m interested to know why you think single moms want to cohabit with men who are neither contributing financially to the household or taking care of their kids?”
Because she either divorced a contributing husband or whored herself without insisting on the financial commitment of marriage. Not to mention welfare checks.
@Feeriker,
“Fathers Suck” Day
Heh! If you watch popular movies and television, you’d think that was every day. I wouldn’t be surprised to see it become real one day.
“My point was – who cares?”
Dalrock, obviously. He writes a lot about them.
” While you are at it, speak up for kind hookers”
Well of course the world’s oldest (and one of the most dangerous to date) profession should be decriminalized. Why not?
“Because she either divorced a contributing husband or whored herself without insisting on the financial commitment of marriage. Not to mention welfare checks.”
I know a lot of single moms. Too many in fact. They all want men who are contributing financially or in some other significant way to the household, their kids. But preferably financially. If you don’t have the dough they’ll still sleep with you if they find you hawt but they are not going to move you in.
Men in the reserves can create single moms now if they like. At least they won’t be lonely?
https://omegavirginrevolt.wordpress.com/2016/05/22/reserves-desperation-derangement-syndrome/
Went to church on Sunday. Same playbook as last year. After the pastor went into masculinity being about servant leadership and selflessly, lovingly leading your family, I started to wonder.
Why don’t pastors stop for a side note to make sure men know that no one expects them to be doormats? Aren’t they worried that men will misinterpret their words? Why isn’t it similar to how they worry about women every time they bring up submission?
I regret to say that our pastor played a clip from Matt Chandler Sunday telling how men needed to be tired when they went to bed. They had to work a hard day, come home and spend significant time with the children, then meet any needs the wife has.
All these are of course important in the right context for a married man, but not in the manner they are presented, which makes the husband a slave to everyone else in the family.
The pastor then went on to talk about how much the church valued men and appreciated all they did. Neither he nor anyone else in the congregation seemed to see the contradiction of claiming men needed to be doormats, but then claiming they were valuable.
He then taught on authority, mostly focusing on the authority of the church and its leadership, along with the need to be present.
It is very frustrating to see good signs and then junk like this. The Christian Church really does need a revival as many have proclaimed, but I don’t think most realize the parts that really need to be revived.
Why don’t pastors stop for a side note to make sure men know that no one expects them to be doormats? Aren’t they worried that men will misinterpret their words?
ROTFLMAO
The church is lost. And yet its adherents are not all lost somehow. The first tale of ‘The Decameron’ captures the paradox perfectly… that the faith survives in spite of the supposed leadership is in it’s own way a proof of the faith’s validity. Still, it would be nice to see the leadership improve somehow.
It would be fun to turn the whole be ‘a better leader and they’ll follow’ litany (re: marriage) on its ear… that every time some preacher tried to virtue signal at the pulpit, his congregation would respond, “and yet we’re still here listening to you…”
The Christian Church really does need a revival as many have proclaimed, but I don’t think most realize the parts that really need to be revived.
A “revival” at this point, would be the religious equivalent to the latest viral video/flash mob sensation. Like the “ALS Ice Bucket challenge” and so on.
“You haven’t been to church yet? Oh man, you should go on Facebook and search #revivaliswhatweneed”
@They Call Me Tom:
One of the classic explanations for the Truth of Jesus Christ is that, unless God was real & Jesus is God, Christianity would have never lasted. Given that the state of the modern Church isn’t that dissimilar than it is a lot of the time, it’s still a good explanation.
They Call Me Tom @ 12:50 am:
“It would be fun to turn the whole be ‘a better leader and they’ll follow’ litany (re: marriage) on its ear…”
Ironically ,the ‘servant leadership’ they preach comes from Christ ordering his disciples to be the servants of His people not their rulers at the Last Supper. Is there a difference between modern clergy and modern bureaucrats?
Is there a difference between modern clergy and modern bureaucrats?
No. The Emperor Constantine saw to that 1,700 years ago when he co-opted the church and turned it into an arm of the Roman State.
Sad that Father’s Day is used as another excuse for socially destructive losers to attack families.
Really they are jealous.
Laugh at them and they will cry.
Pingback: Happy Father’s Day! – The Portly Politico