Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
–Exodus 20:12, ESV
In Fathers, teach your sons Adam Piggott describes fond memories learning from his father, and stresses the importance of fathers teaching their sons masculine practical skills:
Boys love it when their dads teach them. The earliest memory that I have is from when I was about 4 years old. We lived in a cool old house in Bayswater, Perth, and out the back was a ramshackle yard, perfect for little kids to have adventures. My father was remodeling the house and there was a large pile of scrap lumber and other assorted cast-offs and bits and pieces. I turned it into my own scrap lumber yard, complete with a small counter where I could “sell” my goods to all of my customers, (my dad).
In my little yard I would categorize and set into order all my precious inventory. I remember in particular my large box of nails, each twisted lump of metal painstakingly removed from a length of 4 x 2 with my own small tool kit, my most precious possession.
…
So to all those fathers out there of boys and teenagers, make sure that you teach your sons. Show them how to fix a leaky tap, or change out an electrical fuse, or do basic maintenance on the family car. Not only are these skills critical for any man, but it is an excellent way to mold the boy into the solid man that hopefully one day he can become. While teaching him some solid practical skills there can also be a seemingly casual discussion where certain red pill knowledge is imparted as well.
I too have fond memories first of being around my father in a masculine space, and later him teaching me how to build and fix things. When I was around 7 I rode with my father as he drove out to stranded motorists that called him for help. I was in little boy heaven, riding to the rescue with my dad in his small old pickup that he had modified with a V8 and glasspacks. I could hear him draw out a shift from a mile away. Back at his shop his mechanics would sometimes let me pull the trigger on the pneumatic impact wrench to take off lug nuts. Aside from a small block V8 with glasspacks, I can’t imagine a more glorious sound. One time he even let my sister and me “ride” on the hydraulic lift they used to raise up the customer’s cars.
By the time I was in my early teens my father had traded his car repair business for something else, but he still worked on our own cars and helped out friends. I watched and sometimes helped my father pull out entire engines and transmissions to have them rebuilt before putting them back. I also watched him take apart carburetors to repair them and pull off valve covers to replace broken pushrods, etc. Those aren’t jobs I have tackled on my own since, nor am I likely to do so in the future. But I’ve been surprised at how many smaller/easier jobs I’ve been able to do on my own*, and when I needed to have a clutch replaced or a transmission rebuilt, understanding the job helped me discuss the job with a mechanic.
Looking back at it decades later, it is obvious to me now that what my father really taught me was a combination of attitude and how to use tools. Even living over a thousand miles apart, his is the voice in my head reminding me “if it doesn’t come apart (or go back together) easy, don’t just push/pull harder, figure out why“. If I understand why and more force really is needed, the voice says “get a bigger hammer” (and a block of wood), or “get a longer wrench”. A few month’s back I bought a 24 inch breaker bar, and while it only cost me around $20 it was immediately a prized possession.
There is something else my father imparted in the process, and that is a sense of who I am. He taught me that I come from men who help others and know how to solve problems when they come up. That is after all why tools like my new breaker bar ultimately have the meaning they do to me. These are the kind of tools that he used and (even in his 70s) still uses.
My son is still young, but anything traditionally masculine I do is absolutely fascinating to him. In the summer I helped a neighbor do the brakes on his work truck. He didn’t need my help (I hadn’t worked on brakes for decades) but my driveway is more level so he brought it over and we did the job here. Plus, it is always more enjoyable working on something with a buddy around. I placed a small chair safely out of the way for my son to sit in and watch. The main thing I wanted to teach him had nothing do with brakes, but how to safely raise a vehicle to work on it. My dad taught me that if you are using anything less than a floor jack something has already gone wrong. And always block the wheels and use jack stands in addition to the jack. My son never tired of watching us as we worked our way around all four wheels, and my neighbor even let him loosen the lug nuts with his electric impact wrench.
I don’t think my son will ever forget pulling the trigger on the impact wrench, but his fascination persists even when what I’m doing or teaching him is mundane. When I swapped out our smoke detectors a while back smoke detectors were all he would talk about for weeks. When he’s a bit more mature I’ll be able to take him shooting, hunting, and fishing. I’m not sure which of us looks forward to that with greater anticipation.
Feminism is founded in envy of men, and the sense of identity that men get from our fathers is high up on the list of things feminists covet. Sadly we’ve created a family system designed to separate children from their fathers, and our Christian leaders have responded by doing everything they can to morally justify this as well as further break this bond. But what feminists and conservative Christians won’t ever be able to do is remove the importance of fathers. They can break families apart, but they can’t erase the importance of fathers. Moreover, they can’t prevent us from being thankful for our fathers, and thankful for the other men who have taught us as fathers do.
*Haynes and Chilton manuals are good, but youtube is great.
Wow, this really hits home for me. I grew up without my father around (never met him), but somehow I grew into the father described above. I work in my 800sq/ft shop, fabricating, building, repairing cars, trucks, drag cars, engines, motorcycles, you name it. Tried to give up my ‘hobbies’ in 97 after my son was born, urged by the (ex) wife to just ‘be a man’ and raise her daughter, my son and I both paid a heavy price, a life wasted essentially. I hope that one day it will become socially acceptable in our gynocentric world for men to be men, and to raise their boys into men, and not facing feminist drama for doing it. I never really understood the utility of those skills (mental point of origin is usually in my workshop and my interests) until I started reading this blog.
Wonderful article. ”
But what feminists and conservative Christians won’t ever be able to do is remove the importance of fathers. They can break families apart, but they can’t erase the importance of fathers. ”
As a boy, and now a man, I know that I get my curiosity, my genius from my father…and how he managed my curiosity, letting it flow, letting me do things that I could, even at my level… participating with him at different tasks…
Now that Adam talks about it, I remember the feeling of the time spent with Dad, the tasks done together, the feeling of belonging. The boys that don’t have that, I pity them. No wonder why mass shooters come from fatherless homes…
Bonus article on women expecting men to not adapt their behavior to their changing tactics …
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-46164568
I too, had a great Dad. The point here is that the faith of our fathers is learned through our fathers. Without the fathers influence, the faith will be forgotten. Supporting fathers is a fight for the faith.
Dalrock says:
That’s like a man coveting the ability to give birth. No matter what he does, he can never have it. The reasonable thing to do would be to accept reality. But then, that would require the ability to reason.
Yeah, have great memories of my dad teaching me how to repair stuff around the house and on the car. He always took me along when he went to the hardware store or lumber yard (no Home Depots back then). I inherited this tools and they bring back many great memories when I use them.
Oscar, talking about envy of men: the sauna picture of that article says it all. That movie failed because women make mediocre men at best…
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/widows-box-office-whats-wrong-with-you-america_us_5bf5c1b2e4b03b230f9e52dd
That review is hilarious. What audiences need is a stern lecture and they will henceforth love the latest girlpower movie no one wants to see. Did she mention that it is a crowd pleaser?
Pingback: Giving thanks for fathers. | Reaction Times
I had a boyhood that is tragically rare these days. First, I got to roam around primeval forest land and intact primeval great plains grass land in Texas for hours every day with a muzzle loading black powder rifle from a very young age. Yes, I was indeed trying to channel Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett, but I actually got to do that better and stronger than any other kid in recent history.
You might ask what the gun was for. It was for the lions and bears, of course. My parents got it…
Later, I worked in my fathers machinery repair shop starting when I was 14 years old. I got to overhaul heavy industrial engines all by myself. Yes, I occasionally effed up and had to redo the whole thing. But this was not aviation. No one was going to die as a result. My dad understood that more is learned by failure than easy success.
The football coach I remember best was an ex USMC gunnery sergeant. He knew only one way to train up young men. It was all right out of Full Medal Jacket except for the profanity. We won our district Championship the year I graduated.
From elementary school. We were all 11 – 12 years old.
I could go on, but the younger guys would have too much trouble believing any of it.
It was a different world.
Honor your fathers by giving thanks for them in reminiscence. A novel idea today.
I saw this ad with a father helping his spaceflight-obsessed son. Something’s not right here, I thought. In TV ads in 2018, a child with dreams of STEM and adventure has to be a girl.
Then the father starts beating his wife. That explained it. And as the domestic violence ad ended with the slogan, A dad is his son’s first hero,I thought (1) that’s true, (2) they have to taint it.
Occasionally, I wonder if I would have gotten the same masculine upbringing from my father versus my stepdad. My stepdad also required of me work, done right from an early age. If he wasn’t always well tempered and mature, I did still gain so much from him.
My son has in turn gained much of the same from me, and as we say, the gun store and the barber shop are the only places that come close to being male only spaces, and even then, only sometimes.
@Nick MGTOW, how did you miss this one??
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46297540
Los Angeles man sentenced to 120 days for “defrauding” 8 women out of $950 by dining and dashing (paraprase)
That review is hilarious. What audiences need is a stern lecture and they will henceforth love the latest girlpower movie no one wants to see.
I think the reason why female superheroes were never as popular as their male counterparts is due to the very nature of the superhero game. Superheroes are supposed to give, to sacrifice. Batman and Spiderman put their lives on the line without expecting compensation or even recognition. They represent the highest virtues of masculinity. Women aren’t particularly giving. The constant demands for more welfare, affirmative action, child support, alimony etc… Hell, feminists even complain about how women shouldn’t be expected to smile, since they don’t owe men anything. So when the simple gesture of smiling becomes so arduous for someone, would you expect that someone to put their life on the line for you?
Youtube can be a good way to learn how to do something…..IF…..and that’s a big if the person making the video knows what they are doing and demonstrates it properly. Following the directions given by an amateur on Youtube can save you hours of frustration…..or cost you beau coup $$$ to have what got screwed up professionally repaired. As with most things in life, Caveat
Emptor.
Really great post Dalrock, thanks.
I have some similar memories of my own father. Too few I am afraid, and I feel a sense of loss for what I failed to appreciate back when the opportunity was mine to receive what my father, I see now, wanted to give me.
All the same, those things I was not too proud to learn and hold onto I treasure.
Scotty Kilmer has over 40 years of working on cars. Tells you everything in layman’s terms. Has a popular Youtube channel. There are other mechanics who are great on there also.
My memories of projects with dad are less rosy. He often got mad, stressed everyone out, and was pretty awful to work with. He was still pretty great at fixing almost anything though. I have some reasonable skills thanks to him but not something I look back on too fondly.
If I ever have a son I hope to get him some project experience under a more patient leader, and hopefully as competent. It does seem pretty important for a son to get that hands on work / life experience and I don’t want to shy away from that.
Wolfgang-
Of course. The last video that showed a dad in a (mostly) positive light was the Cheerios online commercial. And even he was a little too goofy for my taste. And of course, it was a one off which is now down the memory hole.
You cannot have a commercial where the dad is being a positive role model in his sons life (without the eye rolling mom or smart ass daughter in the background having the final word). It’s against the rules.
TV ads are one of the many reasons I cut the cord. Spent Thanksgiving with relatives and watched some sports there. A jewelry store chain ran an ad extolling “non traditional” marriage proposals: a homo squeals like a girl when shown the ring, a woman proposes to her alpha stud, who of course accepts, and of course there is proposing to a divorcee. Normal people apparently don’t exist anymore.
Then there was the Heineken ad showing the modern family getting together: mom and her boyfriend, dad and his new wife, and of course the blended mess that results. Of course my first thought was “yeah, you’re going to have Thanksgiving with your ex and your replacement.” On what world do the ad agencies even live on?
On what world do the ad agencies even live on?
The 5th circle of Hell.
Normal people aren’t getting married in the numbers they once did. It truly now is for the spazzes and ‘tards, gays and trannies, divorceeeees and Nigerian princes.
Let them continue to push the farce. Only idiots listen.
“‘Widows’ Isn’t Making Much Money At The Box Office. What’s Wrong With You, America?”
Yeah, can’t you dumb cis White males stop all that oppressin’ and rapin’ and get behind #grrlpower?!
In all seriousness, it’s sad to see an American icon like Steve McQueen selling out like that. The movie deserves to tank.
The iconic Steve McQueen died a long time ago and had nothing to do with the propaganda laden “Widows”. The McQueen who directed it is a black British dude.
I read the rant about why people should have watched it and found it to be risible. It does seem that even the brainwashed American public had better things to do than watch yet another girl power movie and refused to obey their betters. Not even women wanted to see it. Maybe if they ladies had been young, spandex clad hotties instead of fugly post wall hags someone might have gone to see it.
I recall seeing a lot of ads for this movie during the rare moments I watch TV (I also think I saw many on youtube). I’m sure that after this POS was completed that the director and producers realized that no one was going to want to see it and the advertising barrage began. Being that most movies are propaganda pieces now I usually pass on them, and as soon as I saw the ad I knew it would be unwatchable.
I laughed when they complained that more people went to see the Queen biopic. Cupcakes need to remember that homos and trannies are higher up the totem pole than they are, which is why they have no say in sharing their restrooms with them.
My son helped me replace rotors and pads on the van Friday. He kept me company, pumped the brakes, pumped the floorjack, placed the jackstands, ferried me tools,and generally was just a cheerful hand.
@Jack Russell
My favorite is ChrisFix. He has–hands down–the clearest video presentation of any of the car guy channels I’ve seen; the camera is straight and stable, the work area well-lit, and he actually performs the instructions onscreen so you can follow them. Also, he instructs almost solely with hand tools so anyone can get into car repair with minimal cash. And he’s just entertaining. Even my kids like to watch episodes.
ErictheCarGuy is good too, but his production quality isn’t quite as good.
Maybe if they ladies had been young, spandex clad hotties instead of fugly post wall hags someone might have gone to see it.
You don’t need to go to a movie to see all of that. I live in the buckle of the Bible belt, but it seems that even here girls are taking spandex to a whole new level. I was out yesterday with my young sons at the mall and the theater and a restaurant filled with teens by the theater. Even though winter is upon us, the spandex seems to be getting thinner, and it seems to now be required to be pulled tightly into every crack and crevice on the girls bodies. I’ve never seen so many wedgies and camel toes, it couldn’t be accidental. One young lass with her camel toe already plainly showing even looked me in the eye and proceeded to tug the front of her spandex pants hard up into her hoohoo as she was watching me. I wanted to shield my young sons’ eyes. Junior harlots!
What was once considered pornographic is now all around us, in our face. Like Pumpkin Spice; Camel Toe – you’ve gone too far!
Hey, I need a flat surface. What’s your address?
Appreciate the youtube car repair demo videos also. Also appreciate that these guys typically have the humility to show only so much of their persons (their hands) as is necessary to properly instruct. Striking contrast to the normal way social media is used.
I’ve begun to wonder if we will eventually (in the USA) begin to experience female public nudity. Not at the food court at the mall, but perhaps at the local public pool, beach or park. And not in a subtle manner, but in a “in your face” kind of way, where a nude woman at the beach might lay her towel next to you, but you can’t look at her (unless you’re an alpha stud, then it’s OK).
It would fit in with the narcissistic culture of selfies, which will be nude of course and published in social media. If any dare object, they will be told they are Neanderthals and should STFU, because it’s her body, blah, blah, blah. Heck, I’ve already seen pictures female relatives post on places like Facebook, where all they wearing is a thong and show off their cheeks. They are aren’t all that far from being nude.
Anyway, given the current state of female exhibitionism, I fear that this isn’t too far off. I mean, hardly any degenerate behavior is surprising these days and they keep pushing the envelope.
An excellent article, @Dalrock. Both yours and Adam’s, though for slightly different reasons. I’m grateful for three men in my life, especially, in their teaching me manhood: my own Dad, my Scoutmaster, and my Army Drill Sergeant. I hope one day to live up to the bar they set, but I’m not there yet.
[In the intersection of blogs and the discussion of what females demand vs. what they desire, I found a piece you might find curious, from a woman’s POV: whatever her home life looks like, or her voting record, the choice of words she describes her reading tastes with is somewhat telling, and I’m curious to your RP take on it: Competence Porn.]
An awesome article that brings back a massive number of memories, Dalrock.
Both of my parents are now dead, but I do very fondly remember my father.
Like Adam Piggott, my father had a building and construction company. Our yard was full of lumber, scaffolding, trucks and diesel barrels. Both of my parents would wake early, and trucks were loaded to go to building sites before workers arrived. Trucks had to be serviced, and grease, oil, fuel injection and other basic maintenance got done at home to save money.
As a teenager, my father had by then scaled down to building houses, but I accompanied him to work sites while on school holidays. He would get on a scaffold and I would hand him tools, wood, fibreboard – whatever. You had to work efficiently and anticipate what was needed. When you got it wrong, you would get a lesson in creative language!
I would frequently do similar home maintenance with my son. Most recently, he came home from work overseas. He wanted to go nowhere, but wanted to renovate his room: strip back all of the wood, fill and re-paint. In doing so, he wanted to talk critically about the girl he intends to marry. As I had warned him about modern marriage – the only person ever who had, and who was right (thanks to this site and others), he wanted to see if I could find any red flags in her. As we worked we talked.
Curiously, whenever his mother showed up for any reason, she would offer, ”You know, you can talk to me about relationships too…” , when he would cut her off:
“No, ma. This is a dad thing.”
I have to make a sad contrast. In my martial arts school, I frequently come across single mothers of sons. They tell me, ”I’m a single mother, and my son needs to have a male role model”. I ask, ”What about the child’s father?” – to which I always get a rolling of the eyes followed by some complicated story.
Civilization is not founded on power. It is founded on competence: Competence to grow foods, make shelter, maintain complex systems of transport, running water, sewage, electricity and refrigeration. This competence is generated by successive generations of men showing boys how to do things efficiently. Those boys absorbed those lessons on a subconscious level, which then become skills as situations require those lessons learned to become useful.
That has been uncoupled by feminism, and we are paying a big price for it: Skills shortage.
One I’ll never forget – “your hand isn’t made to be a hammer”
Sharkly: Of topic, but I would need to give you and others update about the feminist heresy in my church.
It’s been two weeks since we had Ms Evangelist give her talk, “Is Christianity unfair to Women”, where the institution was exonerated, but all of the Neanderthals who had made it great were a bunch of evil patriarchs and the institution has since been saved by feminism.
It turns out that I’m not the only one angered not so much by her, but by Elder endorsement of the heresy. A Pastor has already resigned over the matter, and he has spoken about accountability and authority structures in the church. This is a coded message: He is saying, “Make a complaint to the Superstructure…”
One of the older gentlemen came to see me after church and told me not to be too angered by Ms Evangelist. She was, after all he told me, still young. I told him, ”She’s 38. When is she going to be treated like an adult by you and others? When is she going to be held accountable, or is she simply going to sprout hatred for men with no one to call her out on it?”
I’m going to continue asking critical questions. I now have an avenue to call the eldership out since I know about the authority structure of the church. I’m going to bide my time…
“Sharkly says:
November 25, 2018 at 11:15 am
…One young lass with her camel toe already plainly showing even looked me in the eye and proceeded to tug the front of her spandex pants hard up into her hoohoo as she was watching me. I wanted to shield my young sons’ eyes. Junior harlots!”
You’re not to supposed to notice that (let alone acknowledge it) unless you’re Alpha McGorgeous, Chad Thundercock, Biff the Biker, or Derek the Dirtbag.
But if anyone (even any of the aforementioned) should offend or ‘attack’ her in any way, you’re supposed to drop whatever you’re doing and immediately become her unpaid bodyguard and ‘meat shield’, of course.
@JJG regarding Competence Porn, I have one example to relate. About 20 years ago, I decided to take some automotive classes at my local community college. I developed a rapport with one of the instructors since we were about the same age. (All the other students were men around 19 – 22). In all the classes I took, the students were all male. I asked this instructor during a break if he ever had any female students. He said he did once – one female student. He asked her what made her decide to take an automotive class. Did she answer that she liked working on cars in her backyard or she thought it would be a lucrative career or even that she wanted to prove women can do whatever men can do? No! She replied, I like watching men work on cars.
Pingback: Giving Thanks For Fathers
Dalrock, WordPress is clamping down on “hate”: https://www.oneangrygamer.net/2018/11/wordpress-adopts-new-policy-to-ban-feminist-blogs-for-deadnaming-trans-people/72345/
Something for the manosphere to be concerned about?
I got two older brothers. One of them about 6 years older. My father would teach them. Then they would show me. Ever thing from how to tie a fishing hook knot to how to shoot iron sights on a rifle. One thing a am thankful for is all the ass whippings. My father handed out whippings with a belt like Nick Saban on a Saturday afternoon. Probly kept me out of a lot of trouble as a adult.
@Wolfgang – I see your commercial and raise you this one. Remember, this tough single mother has an example to set:
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/d0AJ/ford-built-for-the-holidays-sales-event-setting-an-example-t1
@ TMAC
I’m 43 years old, and yet “your momma” jokes still come so easily!
anonymous_ng on November 24, 2018 at 6:44 pm
@Nick MGTOW, how did you miss this one??
Anonymous Ng, it’s only fraud when men do it.
Years ago, on a dating site, a 29 yo stunning redhead reaches out to me…we go on a date, but, as I don’t know her, I invite her to a drink. She spent all the date to be annoying. Insisting on boring topics… I figured out that she wanted me to cut the date short…because she didn’t get the free meal that she expected…
What got this fool in trouble was that he exposed his true intentions by not coming back…
He could have milked the women out of a free date, said he forgot his cash, would call back, but no, he had to let them at the restaurant, alone and humiliated in public.
What did he expect , sympathy for him? Women can do that to men in a divy, but men can’t!
Coming to this a little late, but does anyone have any insight about how the father-son passing on of masculine roles works among men who are NOT interested in or capable at things like car maintenance and DIY?
Without wishing to criticise any of Dalrock’s points, it’s a fact that not all fathers are particularly practical (mine wasn’t), and being hugely practical can’t be an essential masculine trait, so whenever the discussions becomes centered around this kind of activity I feel as though part of the conversation’s been missed out.
My father was an intellectual type, and I rather take after him. He introduced me to what you might call intellectual masculinity. We debated things in depth and he expected me to read widely and make strong arguments with him, and he would have considered it feeble (not necessarily feminine) if I’d taken easy options and accepted received opinions without examining them.
We chopped logs together and unblocked our drains, and he involved me in odd jobs around the house sometimes, but there wasn’t the level of intense mechanical or otherwise practical work going on as so many commentators here describe.
I’m not hugely practical myself and I’ve got very limited experience of using tools and doing DIY, and now that I’m a father (one son so far) I want to know how I can present a good model of masculinity to my son without excelling at that kind of thing.
Welcome Oratorian. Great comment. Unless you object I think I’ll use your question as a springboard for a followup post.
Hi Dalrock – thanks, please do!
Pingback: Taking Electrons Captive in Babylon | Things that We have Heard and Known
Pingback: Must a father teach his son to fix things? | Dalrock
I love this post (and the site by the way). As a father I’m trying to teach my son everything that I know, and learned. It can be hard sometimes, with regards to what to teach. At the moment I’m teaching my son how to put together a computer and how to maintain them (he’s 6) Proudest day was when He was able to put the cpu in, and Ram and screwing down the motherboard on his own.
Welcome Stoneweaver and thank you for the kind words. My son was too young when I built my last desktop system, but I think he will love it when the time comes to build a new one.